I'll Hold You In Heaven Someday
by We Stole Vodka From The Optic
Summary: Nanako remembers the day her mother died in vivid detail. Is Heaven really such a beautiful place?


**Hey, I'm back! Instead of writing the next Vindication chapter, I had this Oneshot walking around in my head. So, I wrote it! Nanako was one of my favorite characters, and I wanted to write something about her. :D**

**Cheers to Nana-chan!  
**

I'll Hold You In Heaven

_I'll hold you in heaven someday,  
When my trials on earth pass away;  
The angels have rocked you, the __Father__ watches over you,  
I know you're waiting for me;  
I never could hold you or tell you "Goodbye",  
But I'll hold you in heaven someday._

"_Big bro? Where do people go when they die?"_

"_They go to heaven. It's a wonderful place."_

_Nanako remembered._

Nanako remembers sitting there, hands folded in her lap, staring at the clock. Where was mommy? Her teacher folds up her sleeve, looks at her watch and then Nanako. The teacher sighs, pats Nanako on the shoulder and sits behind her big desk, taking a sip from her thermos. Nanako was alone in kindergarten. Just her and the teacher and the silence and… where was Mommy?

Nanako remembers not saying goodbye that morning. Was mommy punishing her? Nanako sniffed. Mommy couldn't be mad… Mommy was never mad. Nanako was really late for school that morning… surely Mommy wasn't mad for that… right?

Nanako remembers just sitting there, quietly, like Mommy told her to. Being quiet was like being really polite. Mommy would be proud _when _she came in that door. They could hug and be happy and Mommy could apologize for being late… Nanako smiled, maybe they could go to the Riverbed with Daddy later…

Nanako remembers sitting there, for hours, watching the time tick away.

She never said goodbye, never saw mommy again.

"_Big bro… does Daddy think I'm not his real daughter?"_

"_Has he said that?"_

Nanako remembers seeing Daddy come in and she remembers being so confused. Daddy was crying, his eyes were red-ringed and bloodshot, and salty water crept down his angular face. Why was Daddy crying? Where was Mommy?

Nanako remembers all too well what happened then. Daddy ran over to her, hugged her too hard, too desperately.

_Mommy is dead. _He says, and Nanako remembers running out of the school, in her socks, her hair whipping out wildly behind her. Mommy couldn't be dead… Mommy was invincible…

Nanako remembers that, that day, was the day that she realized no one is invincible.

Mommy, Mommy don't leave me here alone… please…

"_I don't have a mommy. She died in an accident."_

"_Oh… uh, sorry…"_

Nanako remembers running all the way to the riverbed. Collapsing in the bench, sobbing. She was so heartbroken, so sad. How could Mommy leave her here alone? Why didn't Mommy take her too?

Nanako remembers falling asleep and dreaming of the wonderful place they called Heaven.

Nanako remembers wanting to go to Heaven too.

"_Heaven is a beautiful place."_

Nanako remembers waking up hours later in her father's arms. The bench was uncomfortable, and Daddy held her so tight. _Mommy is in heaven now. _He says, looking up at the sky. _Watching over us. Always. _Nanako clutches to her Daddy's shirt, and Nanako remembers crying, sobbing into thin fabric.

Daddy carried her home that night.

Nanako remembers watching him from the couch as he flipped through papers on the table. He was so sad, so miserable that day. Nanako watched him fall apart that day. Nanako remembered that he had started smoking that day, and Nanako was slightly angry.

Nanako remembers going to her room listlessly, and not knowing what to do.

Nanako remembers pulling out a storybook of Heaven, and falling asleep with it clutched in her arms.

"_One day, we will both be in Heaven. Together, forever."_

Nanako remembers not going to school for a week. Mai-chan brought her homework and Nanako let it pile up on the kitchen table. What point was there to do her homework? Mommy wasn't there to help Nanako write Katakana or practice her times tables. Mommy was in Heaven.

Nanako remembers throwing the storybook of Heaven on the ground. Hating that place. Hating the place that took her Mommy away.

Nanako remembers wanting to run away.

Nanako remembers doing just that.

"_I will save her!"_

Nanako ran, ran and ran. She wanted to run until she couldn't run anymore.

The riverbed was such a nice place now. And Nanako remembers sitting there, in the middle of the night, looking up at the stars. They twinkled and winked at her, and Nanako remembers wanting to reach out and touch them.

If Mommy was in Heaven, was she a star?

Nanako remembers lifting a hand and clasping it around the stars, feeling nothing. She couldn't reach Heaven…

Heaven had to reach Nanako.

"_I'm not alone anymore… I have big bro now."_

Nanako remembers first seeing her Big Bro. He was tall and big and calm and… scary… But he was kind and polite. Nanako remembers comparing him to her Mommy. Mommy was tall and calm…

Nanako frowned and remembers that Mommy was in Heaven. Mommy would be mad if Nanako replaced her in Nanako's mind.

Nanako remembers shunning Souji, thinking him to be some mean teenager trying to replace her Mommy. But Souji was so understanding and nice…

Nanako couldn't help but grow a soft spot for Souji… for her Big Bro.

"_I have to save the little girl!"_

Nanako remembers being thrown into the TV. It was so scary with the scary man and his scary bullet-hole marking. Nanako was scared. So scared…

Nanako wished Mommy would come and save her. Nanako was in Heaven wasn't she?

Mommy…. Where are you!?

_Nanako remembers that Daddy said Mommy was always watching._

_Nanako knew Mommy was there._

_Help. Big Bro… Mommy… Daddy…. Someone…_

_Please…_

_Hold Me In Heaven._

_Nanako remembered._

_Mommy would hold her in heaven someday._


End file.
